If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
