So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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