you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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