Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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