I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
