I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
