think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
