This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
