I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
