why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
