the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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