i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
