Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
When did angry sex become our thing?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
