Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
