My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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