he wants to bone in the snuggie
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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