Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
