i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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