omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
