I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
