Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
