When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
