I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
