Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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