You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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