Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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