people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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