She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
