halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
