I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
