So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
