I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
