11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
