I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
