I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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