he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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