so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
