just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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