I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
