So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
