this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
