Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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