My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
