So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
