i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the day after is always just damage control
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
