We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
