I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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