she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
