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I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
