two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
