So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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