JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
