when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
