Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
