I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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